Jonathan the tortoise turned 193 this year. He’s lived through the invention of the telegraph, the airplane, the internet, and whatever fresh hell social media became in 2024. And on April 1, 2026, someone tried to kill him off with a fake death announcement — complete with a crypto donation…
Category: News
News
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Argentina’s Piranha Problem Just Got Real — Low Water, High Temps, and 46 Bite Victims
The Paraná River near Victoria, Argentina, turned into a scene from a B-movie horror flick this past weekend — except the blood was real, the screaming was real, and at least 46 people left the water with chunks of flesh missing. One of them lost part of a finger. The…
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Winter Storm Fatigue Meets News Fatigue — And Now We’re All Just Tired
I’m writing this after round one of snow blowing. The kind where the snow’s coming down so hard you can barely see the driveway you just cleared twenty minutes ago. My back hurts. My hands are numb. And somewhere in the back of my mind, there’s a ticker running —…
Culture
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The Coast Guard Did Its Job Perfectly — Rescuing Someone From a Completely Avoidable Situation
Recently, the Coast Guard released a press release about a rescue 1,100 nautical miles east of Puerto Rico — which is already so far from land that “east” becomes theoretical — and I had to reread the part about what this guy was doing out there. Benoit Bourguet, 47, from…